How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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