and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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