So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize