I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize