i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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