meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize