I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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