I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize