I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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