I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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