The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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