Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize