Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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