You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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