why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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