Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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