hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize