I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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