Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize