Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize