mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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