Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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