Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize