i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize