My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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