Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You ruined the universe
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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