Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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