Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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