I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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