that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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