I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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