dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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