did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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