No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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