So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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