i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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