Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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