no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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