3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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