dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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