You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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