You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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