So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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