White coat. Heels.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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