3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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