We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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