you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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