I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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