Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize