Betty ford says i'm here all night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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